P B K | Pink Brutus Knits
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Pink Brutus Knits Blog

i keep finding myself here.

i’m at a crossroads these days and there are truly not enough hours in the week to do what i need to do to be me - a productive, happy me.  my work schedule is what it is.  i don’t see it changing in the near future so i just push it to the back of my mind and ignore the frustration i feel every sunday when i realize my time has run out.  

crisis! or at least the most important parts…

part 1:

the chemo caps?  i’m excited to be working on this project.  i’m full of the selfish joy a giver gets and i love thinking about each woman or child who will wear them. i do not however, love so many of the patterns i’ve come across.  as i mentioned before - i’m swearing off turbans.  though lovely, they are EVIL.  the biggest challenge to my 52 cap challenge is the “week” part of it.  my knitting week really equals about two days - a couple evenings if i’m lucky and the weekends aren’t a lot of time to make some incredibly involved hat.  i’ve been stockpiling patterns BOY have i been… and so far i haven’t found a single one that is beautiful, functional, and FAST.  oh, and for the record, if i see one more of those fluffy feather whatever caps that look like you’ve been electricuted, then shot in the head with paint balls i’m going to claw my face off.

part 2:

i may have resolved all of my chemo cap woes lastnight when i had a stroke of genious!  i casted on at midnight, knit until 1:30am, was up and knitting by 8 this morning, and the cap was finished by noon.  so, what’s the problem?  i have no idea what i did (really) because i’m a fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants kind of knitter and keep terrible notes.  i’d love to write more patterns right now because i have so many swirling around in my dome, but no time to knit them, work out the kinks, take the proper notes, proof those notes, knit it again along with every knitter i know, and publish.

here’s the hat by the way…

she loves it so much she demands i make one for her!  LOL  we’ll see… maybe i’ll take notes while i work that one!

part 3:

once i actually start down that long road of pattern writing, there comes a time when i realize that amazing yarn i’ve been staring at for months and thought, “THIS is the perfect project for it!” was actually the most WRONG yarn ever for that particular project and it’s time to rip and start over.  that’s where most of my project piles come from.  why is it so hard to FROG!!!???  i’ve finally come to terms with this issue and have begun the painful task of ripping, blocking, winding.  it’s a nice cleansing process actually.  the yarn becomes that hank staring at me from the wall peg again, but at least it isn’t the wreched project gone wrong taunting me from the table tray!

part 4:

i just bought a spinning wheel.  yes, i know.  i’ve never taken a spinning class and even though i’ve been dying and spinning with a drop spindle, everything i know is from youtube & some book i bought on sale.  i haven’t the slightest idea what i’m getting myself in to!  i always think, “what are you doing?  you don’t have enough going on?  you need to take THIS on?”  and then i answer, “i’ll sleep when i die.”

so, that’s it.  the inner turmoil.

now, to what is making me happy and keeping me sane!

#1: i’ve fallen in love with elizabeth zimmerman and her knitter’s almanac.  i love her frank style of writing, her clever patterns, and her absolute genious.  reading that book is unlike reading any other book of patterns because it’s not a pattern book - it’s the story of a pattern book.  she had such stength!

#2: miss erin has this wonderful blog which you can find HERE.  don’t ask me how i found her ‘cause i honestly can’t remember but i’m glad i did.  she has a four year old little girl so i immediately connected with that - and she has chickens (insert green eyed monster LOL)  but on top of that, she blogs about simple things in her life.  the things that make her life so uniquely hers, and she does it in a way that is ever so rosey.  i’ve read a lot of comments on there from women saying how much they love her blog and envy her life.  she paints a picture of perfection there no matter what terrible things are going on in her real life and this is not a bad thing.  she recently blogged about choice and her consious effort to choose happiness.  what an honest blog post…  she’s starting a project related to this idea which you can find HERE.

#3: mare’s mama is one of those people… i’m not sure how to even describe her!  giving? thoughtful? nurturing? supportive? strong? brilliant? gorgeous? balanced?  all of it and more?  she’s making an amazing choice (speaking of which) and i really haven’t been able to stop thinking about it since mare spilled the news.  she had sent me an e-mail maybe a week ago and this has stayed at the front of my mind while so much is getting pushed to the back of it:

I’ve never been happier. (Moral of the story: don’t wait until you are 55 to become your authentic self!)