turn the page.
my horoscope in the local rag was one of the greats. sometimes it’s so spot on it makes my stomach turn a little - and even if you don’t believe in those sorts of things, coincidence can still be awakening.
dear fellow scorpio loves, enjoy:
“readers of reddit.com were asked to describe their lives in just six words. it would be a good time for you to try this exercise. you’ve reached a juncture in your unfolding destiny when you could benefit from a review that pithily sums up where you’ve been up until now, and where you’ve got to go next. to inspire your work, here are some of the most interesting from reddit: 1. early opportunities wasted, now attempting redemption. 2. searching tirelessly for that one thing. 3. living my dream requires modifying dream. 4. must not turn into my mom. 5. insane ambition meets debilitating self-doubt. 6. do you want to have sex? 7. slowly getting the hang of it. 8. these pretzels are making me thirsty.”
they say when it rains it pours, and right now we’re in the middle of a damn monsoon. so… i’ll wait it out for a couple days. i’ll see what tomorrow brings. i’ll prepare for hard talks and hard feelings. i’m making it all seems so dark - it’s not. it’s just here - looming - on my mind. i’ll document as it all unfolds i’m sure.
so, how would you describe your life in six words?
i’m still working on it. i feel like the writer of #1 is pretty close. it’s not quite there, but close. as i get older i have that gift or curse of hindsight and i’m learning to grow from it. keep doing the same thing expecting a different outcome and you’re insane. right? i’ve been quite content for the past few years sitting in roughly the same place. i haven’t wanted to change too much or rock the boat, my appearance has actually been more conservative in these past years than… maybe ever if you can believe it. but i haven’t felt totally like myself. i’m entirely aware of my many faces and i used to sort of pride myself in being able to morph at will. examples examples… my creative writing teacher would have read this in horror. so vague! alright. if i could strip completely down to bone and start fresh, i’d start with this:
i’d own these glasses. i love them. lord.
and i’d have the balls to have the side of my head shaved like la la vasquez. isn’t that so 2009? HA!
there’s more. so much more, but it’s all a bit silly and frivolous… so, i’ll share alizah’s sweater. it’s done and it’s been nearly done for ages but for some reason getting those sleeves on the needles was just not happening!
she loves it and i love it and i haven’t blocked it. i figure as she grows i’ll block it and it’ll grow (just a bit) with her.
i also had an idea for those blocks i’ve had sitting in a cabinet for ages. i had carved them at the shop when i had two slipped vertebrae and couldn’t do much else… i put mae to work like a little baby sweatshop and there she sat, inking. mama did the printing, but it may have been one of the cutest things ever.
she asked what that smell was when i began inking the plate for her. i told her it was the smell of my college years. i spent hours in the print shop working until everything looked like mud. i had a tendency to over do most of it because i was too afraid to get tight. everyone else was always working more loosely - more expressively and i was stuck. running in circles adding splashes and dashes and working BIGGER and accomplishing less. my little birds are tight. they’re detailed and perfect. they’re completely me without the influence. maybe that’s why i love them so much. just birds. simple little birds carved into linoleum… hours and hours - countless hours carving into linoleum.
i enjoyed carving. blocks were my muse and the process was my meditation. i equate it to knitting. rather than chip, chip, chiping away for days i stitch, stitch, stitch. it’s less messy, i don’t cut myself nearly as much, and i get to wear it later.