gratitude. it’s been a topic here. choosing happiness and joy over defeat and sorrow. our alizah is prone to seeing the glass as half empty and it was time for a talk. she is a quiet child, mostly. she is brilliant and beautiful and secretive and sly. she’s a slippery one and i normally choose people with grit to share my time with. it’s funny how we have been gifted to each other. our talks often shift toward the side of lectures and this one was no different. it’s hard to keep on the side of conversation when she is so tight-lipped. how do you get through to a pre-tween that the cast shadow is only one perspective? all you have to do is turn around and the light will be shining in your face. so, i force happiness upon her for now. my mare. my lovely, kind mare has been buried under the burden of bad news repeatedly and yet i can still hear the smile in her voice. my heart aches for everything she’s been through these past months - now more than ever. i’ll follow suit. i’ll smile through the pain like i’ve done so many times before. we’ll be the example still.
i had a dream last night that mae and i were driving through a cemetery on a cold, stormy night. in the dream i got creeped out and then was suddenly walking down a dark hallway toward a morgue. i could see a man’s body on a table at the end of the hall and i grabbed for the wall, then was transported to a crowded room where hubs and i were arguing about money. a man came over and emptied his pockets giving me $1.37. i burst into tears knowing he had just giving us everything he had to his name. more often than not my dreams are telling me stories. i’ll stay aware.
i’m staying quite busy on the pattern writing front and am eager to move forward still. i wrestled with a fairly simple bonnet pattern all last week and still have one arm to complete on millie (pictured above). that bonnet. so silly. i was the bonnet lady for so long and there i was knitting, ripping, knitting, ripping, writing, scratching, knitting some more. i thought i’d gone mad. it’s those simple solutions that can be so damn elusive! in the end, i finished and am quite happy with the outcome. millie will be done soon enough and dellie is in testing. lauren sent me pics the other day and so far so good. god love her for working the 2T. this is going to be such a relief when she’s finished. i decided it was time to knit something for myself. i need it right now - so one sweater was ripped to make way for the new.
i do this. it’s actually one of my favorite things about knitting and something that makes most people have a knee-jerk reaction. once i’ve knit something and i feel i’ve gotten my fare use of it, i will rip it out and re-stash the yarn or cast on immediately. if i sew something i can never have that yard of fabric back, but if i knit something, that yarn is as perfectly useable as the day i bought it or spun it or what ever. it’s the ultimate recycling and this yarn is five inches away from it’s new life already.
p.s. squam registration opened today! i wish i wish i wish i was going. another year. or, maybe i’ll surprise myself as i’ve resolved to do….