October is a hectic month for us every year. We celebrated the turn of our baby from 11 to 12, we battled various levels of depressed, we let loose the tether and let our oldest go on her own with her own car, her new job, her over-due responsibility and freedom… we also re-discovered a lot of gratitude and love. Somehow, my own birthday is just around the bend and as it nears, I feel the pang of missing my gran anew. I have never had a birthday without her. 37 cards. 37 calls. 37 birthday songs just a bit out of tune and no more.
It was a shock when I realized we had already met the one month anniversary of losing gran, but for the most part, I’ve been okay. I’ve worn one of her sweaters nearly every day since her passing. I only cry when I hear a song from her service (or when one spontaneously pops in my head), and I no longer feel her near. I would get heavy whiffs of her apartment the days after she died - even in the shower - and it was torture. Did she sense it and she make her way to the next with papa? I’d like to think so.
It hasn’t all been doom and gloom here, though. I spent many days with all the little nieces and nephews, friend kids who are on too much break when the mamas have work, I started doing some off the cuff knitting that took me on a journey to some fun new yoke shaping (I know this is supposed to be life stuff and not knitting stuff, but I’m counting wins where I find them right now!) AND our little monarch that built it’s chrysalis on one of my baskets hatched. My nephew and I watched it pump it’s wings and assess new life as a flyer - it then flew right onto my little dog’s fluffy butt and clung there as Carter shook and ran in circles. I saved it and it hung out on my hand until it was ready for it’s real first flight. My nephew thought the whole thing was a bit odd/disturbing.
While the girls were on fall break, Mae took off with my mother-in-law and her sister for DC. They spent nearly a week there and Mae said she loved it even though my MIL was afraid she was bored a lot of the time. Mae likes to keep busy and doesn’t savor down-time (yet lol). Alizah had a much shorter break but she said, “Oh mom! You finally get to be on break now since I’m driving myself to school!” And I’ll tell you what, it was the best fall break ever. I sort of happily drive the girls to and from school every day and we have done so since Alizah was in maybe second or third grade (if you’re doing the math, that’s a>x-52 carry the one and …. it’s A LOT of driving). However, now that the girls haven’t been at the township schools for about 4 years and they never have the same exact days off, I don’t get a break and it sucks. Side note, I think this might be the last year (or close to) that Mae will trick-or-treat. She’s all set up to be Rosie the Riveter - you can see a pic of grumpy Rosie in the collage. She and Nate were taking the ‘31 to cars and coffee trunk or treat and she was being a turd. But damn she’s adorable.
Some of the biggest (non-knitting) news this month though is that (oh wait, it’s knitting related after all) I went back to the knitting group! If you read these Between Stitches posts regularly, you might remember that the girls and I went to a knitting group some months back just before school started and I freaked the hell out. I had a major panic attack just as we were getting ready to leave and it was rather embarrassing. Well, I finally had a Thursday evening without anything on the schedule, put on my big girl pants, and decided to go. Hubs asked if he could take my car to work that night so that he didn’t have to stop for gas and I thought - aw crap, once again I won’t go - but I told him I really wanted to go to the group and he just sort of looked at me (blink — blink) “OKAY…. well, have fun!’ And then I realized I really had to go, right? LOL! And so I did. I spoke to Alizah as I was walking in the door and told her what I was up to. She said she was really proud of me and hoped I had fun - she also assured me that she’d make sure Mae had dinner and not to worry. I had thought a lot about going back after my “episode’ and decided that rather than being a weirdo, I’d walk in like a normal person attack the situation head on. I burst through the door and said, “Oh hey! Bet you guys didn’t think you’d see me again!” The three women that were there for my hysterics laughed and one said, “Oh we knew you couldn’t stay away forever.” It went great. I talked to people even though there were a lot of new faces and I made it all the way to 9pm. Hubs called me at 9:05 asking what I was up to. “Leaving the knitting group right now!!” He admitted he thought there was no way I was actually going to go, so he was checking in to see if I really did or not. It may all sound ridiculous to people who can navigate the world, but for me it was a big accomplishment.
Hubs and I were watching a show where the fella was really jealous and we laughed about it - my take was, if you don’t want to worry about other guys hitting on your chick, then date an ugly chick! Hubs take was, get a pretty girl with agoraphobia. We burst out laughing. That’s why he’s my guy.
Finally, I’ve been dripping single cups of coffee as needed, sipping chai with turmeric every night, moved the bedroom all around one night on a whim in an attempt to chase sleep, and I still haven’t washed my hair. My birthday is the 1 year anniversary of no-poo hair. Crazy. See ya, October.